Wednesday, July 30, 2014

2005-2009 Films Ranked By Year

Dorian Blues (9/10) Tennyson Bardwell
Arakimentari (9/10) Travis Klose
The Beautiful Country (8/10) Hans Petter Moland
Bigger Than the Sky (8/10) Al Corley
eXposed: The Making of a Legend (8/10) Mr. Pam
Jacqueline Hyde (8/10) Rolfe Kanefsky
Shadows in the Dark: The Val Lewton Legacy (8/10) Constantine Nasr
The 40 Year Old Virgin (7/10) Judd Apatow
HellBent (6/10) Paul Etheredge
Last Best Chance (5/10) Ben Goddard
Vanilla (5/10) Joseph Graham
The Heat Chamber (5/10) Mark Norberg
Hellraiser: Deader (4/10) Rick Bota
Boogeyman (2/10) Stephen Kay
Elektra (1/10) Rob Bowman
Into the Sun (1/10) mink
The Marksman (1/10) Marcus Adams
Blast (1/10) Anthony Hickox
Hellraiser: Hellworld (1/10) Rick Bota
American Pie Presents Band Camp (1/10) Steve Rash

Tristan + Isolde (9/10) Kevin Reynolds
Bobby (9/10) Emilio Estevez
Blood Diamond (8/10) Edward Zwick
10 Questions for the Dalai Lama (8/10) Rick Ray
Holes in My Shoes (8/10) David Wachs
3 Needles (8/10) Thom Fitzgerald
The History Boys (8/10) Nicholas Hytner
Hard Candy (8/10) David Slade
Flushed Away (7/10) David Bowers, Sam Fell
16 Blocks (7/10) Richard Donner
The Descent (7/10) Neil Marshall
Babel (6/10) Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Beowulf & Grendel (6/10) Sturla Gunnarsson
FAQs (6/10) Everett Lewis
Hippie Masala (5/10) Ulrich Grossenbacher, Damaris Luthis
The Black Dahlia (4/10) Brian De Palma
Bad City (4/10) Bruce Terris
The Ape (4/10) James Franco
2001 Maniacs (3/10) Tim Sullivan
Commune (3/10) Jonathan Berman
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (3/10) Larry Charles
The Marine (2/10) John Polito
Edison Force (1/10) David J. Burke
Big Momma's House 2 (1/10) John Whitesell
The Young, the Gay, and the Restless (1/10) Joe Castro

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (10/10) Andrew Dominik
3:10 to Yuma (10/10) James Mangold
41 (10/10) Christian de Rezendes, Christian O'Neill
The Dog Problem (9/10) Scott Caan
Enchanted (9/10) Kevin Lima
1408 (8/10) Mikael Hafstrom
The Star of Bethlehem (8/10) Stephen Vidano
Shooter (8/10) Antoine Fuqua
The Astronaut Farmer (7/10) Michael Polish
Beowulf (7/10) Robert Zemeckis
Mr. Bean's Holiday (7/10) Steve Bendelack
Freedom Writers (7/10) Richard LaGravenese
The Legacy (7/10) Gela Babluani, Temur Babluani
Black White + Gray (7/10) James Crump
Death Proof (6/10) Quentin Tarantino
The Man in the Lighthouse (6/10) Joselito Altarejos
Socket (6/10) Sean Abley
The Amazing Grace (6/10) Jeta Amata
Broken (4/10) Simon Boyes, Adam Mason
Freaky Farley (3/10) Charles Roxburgh
Hatchet (2/10) Adam Green
Sacred Love-Making (1/10) Matt Levin

One Fast Move or I'm Gone: Kerouac's Big Sur (9/10) Curt Worden
I Think We're Alone Now (9/10) Sean Donnelly
American Bullfighter (8/10) Alex LeMay
Man Overboard (8/10) Oliver Robins
Night Dragon (8/10) Tim Biddiscombe
Seeking Wellness: Suffering Through Four Movements (8/10) Daniel Schneidkraut
Zack and Miri Make a Porno (7/10) Kevin Smith
Cowboy Smoke (7/10) Will James Moore
Kung Fu Panda (7/10) Mark Osborne, John Stevenson
Conjurer (6/10) Clint Hutchison
Igor (6/10) Anthony Leondis
Babylon A.D. (6/10) Mathieu Kassovitz
Silence, We are Shooting! (Silence, ca tue!) (6/10) Christophe Lamot
Bangkok Dangerous (5/10) The Pang Brothers
Yes Man (5/10) Peyton Reed
Crowley (5/10) Julian Doyle
Spiritual Revolution (5/10) Alan Swyer
Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild (4/10) Todd Stephens
Surfer, Dude (3/10) S.R. Bindler
April Fool's Day (1/10) Mitchell Altieri, Phil Flores
Bram Stoker's Dracula's Guest (1/10) Michael Feifer
88 Minutes (1/10) Jon Avnet
Metalheads (1/10) Bill Zebub
Beer for My Horses (1/10) Michael Salomon
Jake's How-To (1/10) Vincent Buckley

Raging Sun, Raging Sky (9/10) Julian Hernandez
Antichrist (9/10) Lars von Trier
Cut from Home (9/10) Jason Shahinfar
The Six Degrees of Helter Skelter (9/10) Mike Dorsey
Up (8/10) Pete Docter, Bob Peterson
Monsters vs. Aliens (8/10) Rob Letterman, Conrad Vernon
Chef's Special (8/10) Nacho G. Velilla
Shank (8/10) Simon Pearce
The Hangover (8/10) Todd Phillips
American Son (8/10) Neil Abramson
Death Bell (8/10) Yoon Hong-Seung
Psychotropica (8/10) Damien Sage
For the Love of Movies: The Story of American Film Criticism (8/10) Gerald Peary
Rembrandt's J'Accuse (8/10) Peter Greenaway
The Flying Scissors (8/10) Jonah Tulis
Kabul 24 (8/10) Ben Pearson
Spoiler Alert (8/10) David Rakowiecki
Somewhere Between Here and Now (8/10) Olivier Boonjing
Bled (8/10) Christopher Hutson
The Proposal (7/10) Anne Fletcher
17 Again (7/10) Burr Steers
Terminator Salvation (7/10) McG
Everybody's Fine (7/10) Kirk Jones
The Hitchhiking Movie (7/10) Phillip Hullquist
Astro Boy (6/10) David Bowers
The Graduates (6/10) Ryan Gielen
Chelsea on the Rocks (6/10) Abel Ferrara
Caught in the Game (6/10) Michael Merrill
Public Sex: A Love Story (5/10) Simon Ellis
Streets of Blood (5/10) Charles Winkler
Dirty Diaries (5/10) various
My One and Only (5/10) Richard Loncraine
Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia (5/10) Tim Matheson
I'm Gonna Explode (4/10) Gerardo Naranjo
Monsters, Marriage, and Murder in Manchvegas (4/10) Charles Roxburgh
Friday the 13th (3/10) Marcus Nispel
The Secret Still Silenced (3/10) N/A
O.B.A.M. Nude (3/10) Rod Weber
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2/10) Stephen Sommers
12 Rounds (2/10) Renny Harlin
Drifter: Henry Lee Lucas (2/10) Michael Feifer
Nightwatching (1/10) Peter Greenaway
Wrecked (1/10) Bernard Shumanski, Harry Shumanski
Killer Shorts (1/10) Michael Wade Johnson
The Cops Did It (1/10) Anthony Azar
Retrograde (1/10) Christopher Kulikowski

Monday, July 28, 2014

2010-2014 Films Ranked By Year

Howl (10/10) Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
Strapped (9/10) Joseph Graham
Modus Operandi (9/10) Frankie Latina
The Defiled (9/10) Julian Grant
FrICTION (9/10) Cullen Hoback
Release (9/10) Darren Flaxstone, Christian Martin
Who is Harry Nilsson (And Why is Everybody Talkin' About Him?) (8/10) John Scheinfeld
Breathless (8/10) Ik-Joon Yang
The String (Le Fil) (8/10) Mehdi Ben Attia
The Elephant in the Living Room (8/10) Michael Webber
Despicable Me (8/10) Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
...Around (8/10) David Spaltro
Soundless Wind Chime (8/10) Kit Hung
Tangled (8/10) Nathan Greno, Byron Howard
Iron Man 2 (8/10) Jon Favreau
It Came from Kuchar (8/10) Jennifer M. Kroot
Kick-Ass (8/10) Matthew Vaughn
The Taint (8/10) Drew Bolduc, Dan Nelson
William S. Burroughs: A Man Within (8/10) Yony Leyser
Cropsey (8/10) Barbara Brancaccio, Joshua Zeman
Dark Woods (8/10) Michael Escobedo
Way of the Puck (8/10) Eric D. Anderson
Date Night (7/10) Shawn Levy
How to Train Your Dragon (7/10) Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders
The Sorcerer's Apprentice (7/10) Jon Turteltaub
The Switch (6/10) Josh Gordon, Will Speck
Megamind (6/10) Tom McGrath
Knight and Day (6/10) James Mangold
Salt (6/10) Phillip Noyce
Is It Just Me? (6/10) J.C. Calciano
Fruit Fly (6/10) H.P. Mendoza
The A-Team (6/10) Joe Carnahan
Grown Ups (6/10) Dennis Dugan
Jedi Junkies (6/10) Mark Edlitz
American Mystic (6/10) Alex Mar
Saberfrog (5/10) Curt Markham
Role/Play (3/10) Rob Williams
Nightmares in Red, White, and Blue (3/10) Andrew Monument
Housewife's Afternoon Delight (2/10) Shun Nakahara
Hatchet II (2/10) Adam Green
When in Rome (1/10) Mark Steven Johnson
Almost Invisible (1/10) David Allingham

Beautiful Darling (10/10) James Rasin
The Arbor (10/10) Clio Barnard
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (9/10) David Fincher
We Were Here (9/10) David Weissman, Bill Weber
Redland (9/10) Asiel Norton
Easy A (9/10) Will Gluck
Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead (9/10) Kurt Engfehr, Joe Cross
Shame (8/10) Steven McQueen
Horrible Bosses (8/10) Seth Gordon
Kung Fu Panda 2 (8/10) Jennifer Yuh Nelson
Raw Faith (8/10) William Peter Wiedensmith
The Advocate for Fagdom (8/10) Angelique Bosio
I Survived BTK (8/10) Marc Levitz
Crazy, Stupid, Love. (8/10) Glenn Ficarra, John Requa
Bombay Beach (8/10) Alma Har'el
The Help (8/10) Tate Taylor
And Everything Is Going Fine (7/10) Steven Soderbergh
Captain America: The First Avenger (7/10) Joe Johnston
Tower Heist (7/10) Brett Ratner
Blank City (7/10) Celine Danhier
The Search for Michael Rockefeller (7/10) Fraser Clarke Heston, Milt Machlin
Upside Down: The Creation Records Story (7/10) Danny O'Connor
Trek Nation (7/10) Scott Colthorp
Real Steel (7/10) Shawn Levy
Machete Maidens Unleashed! (7/10) Mark Hartley
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (7/10) Rupert Wyatt
Heavy Times (7/10) Benjamin Mark, Ryan McKenna
Whatever Makes You Happy (7/10) A.T. Sayre
In a Town This Size (7/10) Peter V. Brown
Green Lantern (6/10) Martin Campbell
17 Miracles (6/10) T.C. Christensen
Vito (6/10) Jeffrey Schwarz
Thor (6/10) Kenneth Branagh
Asylum Seekers (6/10) Rania Ajami
The Adventures of Tintin (5/10) Steven Spielberg
Bridesmaids (5/10) Paul Feig
Apollo 18 (5/10) Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego
American: The Bill Hicks Story (4/10) Matt Harlock, Paul Thomas
Crazy Wisdom (4/10) Johanna Demetrakas
The Thing (4/10) Matthijs van Heijningen, Jr.
23:59 (4/10) Gilbert Chan
House of Sin (4/10) various
Idol of Evil (3/10) Kevin McDonagh
Vampire Boys (1/10) Charlie Vaughn
A Haunting in Salem (1/10) Shane Van Dyke
Hellraiser: Revelations (1/10) Victor Garcia
The Amityville Haunting (1/10) Geoff Meed
Scrooge in the Hood (1/10) Richard Chandler
Aliens from Outer Space (1/10) Bill Knell
UFOs Do Not Exist! (1/10) Bill Knell

Prometheus (9/10) Ridley Scott
Bullet Collector (9/10) Alexander Vartanov
Looper (9/10) Rian Johnson
Hitler's Children (9/10) Chanoch Zeevi
Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe (9/10) Jay Karas
Last Days Here (9/10) Don Argott, Demian Fenton
Django Unchained (8/10) Quentin Tarantino
Marvel's The Avengers (8/10) Joss Whedon
The Awakening (8/10) Nick Murphy
Skyfall (8/10) Sam Mendes
Rise of the Guardians (8/10) Peter Ramsey
The Dark Knight Rises (8/10) Christopher Nolan
Hating Breitbart (8/10) Andrew Marcus
Joshua Tree, 1951: A Portrait of James Dean (8/10) Matthew Mishory
What to Expect When You're Expecting (8/10) Kirk Jones
Determinism (8/10) Ranju Majumdar, Sanjit Majumdar
Carl Panzram: The Spirit of Hatred and Vengeance (8/10) John Borowski
Maybe Tomorrow (8/10) Michael Wolfe
The Amazing Spider-Man (8/10) Marc Webb
Brave (8/10) Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, Steve Purcell
Here Comes the Boom (7/10) Frank Coraci
Trouble with the Curve (7/10) Robert Lorenz
21 Jump Street (7/10) Phil Lord, Chris Miller
Pitch Perfect (7/10) Jason Moore
Hotel Transylvania (7/10) Genndy Tartakovsky
The Flat (7/10) Arnon Goldfinger
Gut (7/10) Elias
ParaNorman (7/10) Chris Butler, Sam Fell
After Porn Ends (7/10) Bryce Wagoner
The Callers (7/10) Susan Sfarra
Gandu (7/10) Q
The Beat Hotel (7/10) Alan Govenar
Free Radicals: A History of Experimental Film (7/10) Pip Chodorov
Please Subscribe (7/10) Dan Dobi
Wild Girl Waltz (7/10) Mark Lewis
Hart Crane: An Exegesis (7/10) N/A
The Lorax (7/10) Chris Renaud, Kyle Balda
The Raven (6/10) James McTeigue
Ultrasuede: In Search of Halston (6/10) Whitney Smith
The Cabin in the Woods (6/10) Drew Goddard
The Expendables 2 (6/10) Simon West
Taken 2 (5/10) Olivier Megaton
How to Survive a Plague (5/10) David France
Sexual Chronicles of a French Family (5/10) Pascal Arnold, Jean-Marc Barr
Celluloid Bloodbath (5/10) Jim Monaco, James F. Murray, Jr.
The Hunger Games (5/10) Gary Ross
Apartment 143 (5/10) Carles Torrens
Looking for Lenny (5/10) Elan Gale
Radio Unnameable (5/10) Paul Lovelace, Jessica Wolfson
Danland (4/10) Alexandra Berger
V/H/S (3/10) various
The Broken Tower (3/10) James Franco
Parental Guidance (2/10) Andy Fickman
Friends with Kids (2/10) Jennifer Westfeldt
100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck (1/10) Martin Wichmann
Amber Alert (1/10) Kerry Bellessa
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (1/10) Richard Schenkman
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (1/10) Tom Six
Surreal Sicko (1/10) Bill Zebub
Bottom (1/10) Todd Verow

Gravity (9/10) Alfonso Cuaron
Coyote (9/10) Trevor Juenger
Frozen (9/10) Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
The Source Family (9/10) Maria Demopoulos, Jodi Wille
Star Trek Into Darkness (9/10) J.J. Abrams
Salinger (9/10) Shane Salerno
Things I Don't Understand (9/10) David Spaltro
Big Sur (9/10) Michael Polish
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (8/10) Adam McKay
TV Junkie (8/10) Michael Cain, Matt Radecki
Grudge Match (8/10) Peter Segal
Kill Your Darlings (8/10) John Krokidas
The Conjuring (8/10) James Wan
Iron Man 3 (8/10) Shane Black
Ankhon Dekhi (Before My Eyes) (8/10) Rajat Kapoor
The Heat (8/10) Paul Feig
Thor: The Dark World (8/10) Alan Taylor
Adjust Your Tracking (8/10) Dan M. Kinem, Levi Peretic
Pacific Rim (8/10) Guillermo del Toro
Epic (8/10) Chris Wedge
Despicable Me 2 (8/10) Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
We're the Millers (8/10) Rawson Marshall Thurber
DAR HE: The Lynching of Emmett Till (8/10) Rob Underhill
Local Legends (8/10) Matt Farley
A Plague So Pleasant (8/10) Benjamin Roberds, Jordan Reyes
Man of Steel (7/10) Zack Snyder
Blue Is the Warmest Color (7/10) Abdellatif Kechiche
Oz the Great and Powerful (7/10) Sam Raimi
The Croods (7/10) Kirk De Micco, Chris Sanders
Escape Plan (7/10) Mikael Hafstrom
The Last Stand (7/10) Kim Jee-woon
Warm Bodies (7/10) Jonathan Levine
Rewind This! (7/10) Josh Johnson
I Am Divine (7/10) Jeffrey Schwarz
Monsters University (7/10) Dan Scanlon
The Wolverine (7/10) James Mangold
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (7/10) Tommy Wirkola
World War Z (7/10) Marc Forster
My Amityville Horror (7/10) Eric Walter
Last Vegas (7/10) Jon Turteltaub
Good Morning Karachi (7/10) Sabiha Sumar
The Jeffrey Dahmer Files (7/10) Chris James Thompson
Bettie Page Reveals All (7/10) Mark Mori
The Punk Singer (7/10) Sini Anderson
Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony (7/10) Laurent Malaquais
Skull World (7/10) Justin McConnell
The Book of Jane (7/10) Antero Alli
Free Birds (7/10) Jimmy Hayward
Lovelace (6/10) Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
The Frozen Ground (6/10) Scott Walker
Movie 43 (6/10) various
Evocateur: The Morton Downey, Jr. Movie (6/10) Seth Kramer, Daniel A. Miller, Jeremy Newberger
Hatchet III (6/10) BJ McDonnell
Tiny: A Story About Living Small (6/10) Merete Mueller, Christopher Smith
Don't Let the Riverbeast Get You! (6/10) Charles Roxburgh
Mr. Angel (6/10) Dan Hunt
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (6/10) Cody Cameron, Kris Pearn
Filthy Gorgeous: The Bob Guccione Story (5/10) Barry Avrich
The Pervert's Guide to Ideology (5/10) Sophie Fiennes
Room 237 (5/10) Rodney Ascher
Olympus Has Fallen (5/10) Antoine Fuqua
V/H/S/2 (4/10) various
Post Tenebras Lux (4/10) Carlos Reygadas
The House With 100 Eyes (3/10) Jay Lee, Jim Roof
Grown Ups 2 (3/10) Dennis Dugan
A Haunted House (1/10) Michael Tiddes
Scary Movie 5 (1/10) Malcolm D. Lee
Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (1/10) Gary Jones
The ABCs of Death (1/10) various

Godzilla (9/10) Gareth Edwards
Paddington (9/10) Paul King
A Walk Among the Tombstones (9/10) Scott Frank
The Lego Movie (9/10) Phil Lord, Christopher Miller
Maleficent (9/10) Robert Stromberg
Der Samurai (9/10) Till Kleinert
The Decent One (9/10) Vanessa Lapa
Back Issues: The Hustler Magazine Story (9/10) Michael Lee Nirenberg
Guardians of the Galaxy (8/10) James Gunn
Big Hero 6 (8/10) Don Hall, Chris Williams
Penguins of Madagascar (8/10) Eric Darnell, Simon J. Smith
Life Itself (8/10) Steve James
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (8/10) Dean DeBlois
Mr. X (8/10) Tessa Louise-Salome
Antisocial Behavior (8/10) Kenneth Guertin
Altman (8/10) Ron Mann
Serial Killer Culture (8/10) John Borowski
Bound by Flesh (8/10) Leslie Zemeckis
Lucy (8/10) Luc Besson
Alien Abduction (8/10) Matty Beckerman
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (7/10) Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
The Nut Job (7/10) Peter Lepeniotis
Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead 2 (7/10) Kurt Engfehr
Our Vinyl Weighs A Ton (7/10) Jeff Broadway
A Brony Tale (7/10) Brent Hodge
The Expendables 3 (7/10) Patrick Murphy
A Life in Dirty Movies (7/10) Wiktor Ericcson
Killer Legends (7/10) Joshua Zeman
What Is Cinema? (7/10) Chuck Workman
The Angriest Man in Brooklyn (7/10) Phil Alden Robinson
Dracula Untold (6/10) Gary Shore
Big Joy: The Adventures of James Broughton (6/10) Stephen Silha, Eric Slade, Dawn Logsdon
Nymphomaniac: Volume 1 (6/10) Lars Von Trier
Haunt (6/10) Mac Carter
Hercules (6/10) Brett Ratner
Enquiring Minds (6/10) Ric Burns
Animal (5/10) Brett Simmons
Plastic Paradise: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch (5/10) Angela Sun
Mr. Peabody & Sherman (4/10) Rob Minkoff
Stranger by the Lake (4/10) Alain Guiraudie
Nymphomaniac: Volume 2 (3/10) Lars Von Trier
The Other Woman (2/10) Nick Cassavetes
The ABCs of Death 2 (1/10) various
V/H/S: Viral (1/10) various
A Haunted House 2 (1/10) Michael Tiddes

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Merry Effin' Christmas: "Scrooge in the Hood" (2011)

Since retail outlets set their Christmas decorations earlier and earlier every year (I'm in retail, I know this), why not watch a Christmas comedy with almost six months until the holiday?

The tried and true Charles Dickens story, "A Christmas Carol," which has been produced hundreds if not thousands of times on stage, film, and television, gets yet another treatment courtesy of Richard Chandler. Here, Scrooge is an African-American gangsta pimp played by George Raynor (who fails to take advantage of his Redd Foxx-style delivery in the role). In addition to the three ghosts (an okay Seregon O'Dassey, a less-than-okay Todd Thierren, and director/writer Richard Chandler) who take Scrooge through his past, present, and future, Scrooge is also being hunted by the Jewish Mafia, who play on both Jewish and Italian stereotypes.

The film is foul-mouthed, appealing to the lowest humor denominator it can muster. It is also shockingly violent, with gunshots to the head and tongues being cut out. That is all well and good, the Dickens story needs a good edgy treatment ("Scrooged" wasn't exactly satirical fare, turning treacly). However, "Scrooge in the Hood" cannot seem to decide what it wants to be. A grindhouse throwback? A Lisa Lampanelli stand-up routine come to life? Some men play some women's roles without any explanation. The sets are obviously actual apartments and basements. The video effects are okay considering the budget. Actors trip over each other's lines, the editing is a little spotty, and once it blows it's wad over it's own dangerousness, it kind of bogs down thanks to the overly familiar story.

I wanted to like "Scrooge in the Hood." From the preview, I was ready to laugh out loud. Instead, I was bored. There is a great comedy that should be made from this germ of an idea, but this film is not it. (*) out of five stars.