Monday, October 8, 2012

Are You Ready to Grumble? "Racket Girls" (1951)

This $1.98 production tells the story of one Peaches Page, an aspiring female wrestler whose two ginormous breasts give the best performance in the film.

Peaches Page, played by Peaches Page, has her wrestling contract bought by Scalli (Timothy Farrell), a shady promoter who uses his gymnasium for all sorts of illegal gambling activities. Scalli owes local hood Mr. Big (Phil Bernard, who wisely never shows his face) thirty five large, and has Scalli's accountant Monk (Paul Martin) spy on Scalli. Peaches falls for the oily Scalli, ignoring the advice of former gal du jour Ruby (Muriel Gardner). Scalli is ordered to testify in front of a Senate committee, and threatens to expose Mr. Big (tee-hee), leading to a resolution...not a shocking resolution, just a resolution.

This film's plot and subplots are padded little dinky stories that serve only to fill in the gaps between female wrestling footage and watching Peaches' melons undulate as she jogs, jumps rope, and works out on a rowing machine.

The wrestling matches are hilarious; stilted and obviously rehearsed. Page has a knockout bod, but may have been pile driven face first into the canvas a few too many times. Scalli and his creepy henchman Joe (Don Ferrara) get most of the screen time, making you wonder who the audience is supposed to cheer for, and where did they come up with the stupid title? Real life wrestling champs Clara Mortensen and Rita Martinez pop in for some dialogue with Scalli, and the viewer quickly realizes their best acting was done in the ring.

The film is a technical nightmare. Actor Farrell is given a tiny desk to sit behind and run all his money making scams. The background noises heard during the wrestling matches sound like they were recorded on an elementary school playground. No screenwriter is credited, although it is assumed this was tossed together by the film's director/editor. The Senate investigative hearing, broadcast live on the radio, consists of one guy sitting in front of an American flag. The women working out at the gym constantly look directly into the camera.

If your fetish consists of black and white footage of doughy middle aged women halfheartedly rolling around on a mat and unconvincingly pulling each other's hair, then here you go! Otherwise, "Racket Girls" (also known as "Pin Down Girl") is an awful B-flick easily forgotten. (*) out of five stars.