Sunday, October 7, 2012

Sigh Kick: "The Para Psychics" (1976)

Better known under its Greek title "To Koritski Vomva," (!) this Mastorakis film plays like one of John Holmes' Johnny Wadd films, but without the penetration shots.

Bob and Ches are two bachelors on the make. They are hired by Geraldine to guard her and her daughter, Christine. It seems Christine is psychic, and knows all the details of a political murder. The bad guys are after the ladies, and Bob and Ches try their best to protect the women, when they are not sleeping with half the female population of Greece. The climax tells us that Geraldine and Christine are not the helpless damsels in distress we think they are, and Bob and Ches race to stop another assassination.

Usually a film set in the 1970's is quaint but watchable. Here, all the bell bottoms and spinning round beds just distract from the slight story. Bob and Ches are con men, but make "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" look like the Enron board of directors. Thankfully Mastorakis fills the screen with sex. The men are as naked as the women, and the sex scenes are long. They also distract from the lame action scenes, which consist of unexciting car chases and very fake blood. Although the psychic can defend herself by setting her enemies on fire at will, it is never explained why the women need these two dolts to protect them in the first place, except to have a movie.

The horror angle is nonexistent, this would belong in the action or mystery section of your local video store. I paid 99 cents at a recent previewed video sale, and the distribution company's name is Knight Shield Video. I tell you this because I may have the only known copy of this film in existence! I also believe the English title was supposed to be "A Pair of Psychics," since "The Para Psychics" makes about as much sense as the plot. If you do happen upon this, skip it. The editing was done with a chainsaw, the dubbing is hopeless, the action dull, and the heroes are jerks.

If you like Mediterranean women on the other hand (or either hand), this might be for you. I will not recommend it, but I won't tell anyone if you rent this. (*) out of five stars.