Thursday, October 18, 2012

Snicker: "Ticker" (2001)

Sometimes a film comes along whose reputation is so bad that it must be seen to be believed. "Ticker" is even worse than I was expecting.

Tom Sizemore plays a cop in San Francisco who recently lost his wife and son in a car bombing. Steven Seagal is a bomb squad leader who had a job go wrong, killing many innocent people. Dennis Hopper is a mad bomber who comes to San Francisco to do a big target. His girlfriend, played by Jaime Pressly, is being held by the police. As Sizemore and Seagal try to figure out Hopper's master plan, Hopper starts blowing up most of the city in order to get Pressly released. You will forgive the lack of character names, but I honestly did not want to put this disc back in my DVD player when I was done watching it.

Where to begin? The director, Albert Pyun, is a recognizable name in the action genre, but this film is a mess. The bones of an action film are here, but the production is hurried, shots poorly planned, and the script is laughable. There is no "bigness" to the film. No menace. No suspense. This is over an hour and a half of nonsensical dialogue ("Don't you die on me!"), the worst performances of all involved, and a smug attitude that what the film makers are dishing up is on par with "Die Hard" or "Speed."

At one point, the film takes an oh so timely jab at the Reagan administration. Trying to engage this on anything more that a terrible movie is like trying to discuss the national debt with a zoo monkey as it flings its feces at you. "Ticker" is truly one of the worst films of all-time, and I think I am done writing about it now. (*) out of five stars.