Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Drippy Fawcett: "Farrah Fawcett: All of Me" (1997)

I am thirty four years old and grew up watching "Charlie's Angels," although I always had a crush on Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd. When Fawcett had a brief nude scene in "Saturn 3," I begged my father to take me. He would not. Now, finally, I was going to see Fawcett in her altogether. Ten minutes into the video, I was already bored and looking to see what was on "Dateline."

The first few minutes of this are like A&E's "Biography," but with bare knockers. Everyone talks about how wonderful Fawcett was, never mentioning "Somebody Killed Her Husband," and how brave she was to do this nude layout. Then it gets really bizarre. We see Fawcett going through the "I'm naked" photography shoot, but we also see behind the scenes footage as she seems to be having an emotional breakdown. She is sobbing, calls someone on the phone because she is emotionally insecure (who? her therapist? son? Ryan O'Neal?), and argues with the young hot photographer. I kept waiting for the "erotic" part.

The most talked about section of the video is Farrah- the Nude Sculptress and Body Painter. She molds a few pieces of clay into a nude female figure, shedding her clothes and putting clay on herself (why? to test the clay's consistency? tell herself where to put her hands? remind herself what a female figure feels like?). The video makers go for a little lesbian erotica point of view here, and it feels really fake. Finally, she uses herself as a human paint brush and rubs herself on the canvas, creating what I call "boobie art." In the behind the scenes section, Fawcett goes on and on about how she forgot the cameras were there since she was working on her art. Yes, I am sure she sculpts in the nude all the time, painting herself with gold paint, then rubbing herself on the walls of her studio. For fun, every time Fawcett mentions "MY ART," scream at the top of your lungs, you will feel better (except for a sore throat).

The video makers unwisely show a few clips from Fawcett's best films- "The Burning Bed" and "Extremities." The violence of the films is shocking. The video makers then list the many awards Fawcett has won for her film work- Golden Globes (how ironic), Emmys, etc. You begin to think, wow, what a talent.

Then, we go right back into the endless soft video of Fawcett being nekkid and not doing much else. The final clip has her in a Louise Brooks wig, and dropping her clothes because Rosalind Russell once said being an actress is like standing naked in public and turning slowly. The End.

The video itself is directed by hyperactive cameras on little railroad tracks. This creates a swooping effect that made me sick to my stomach more than Aaron Spelling and Hugh Hefner's constant awe at Fawcett's "bravery" for appearing in the buff. You will be left with the feeling that Fawcett, much like Shari Belafonte, Margaux Hemingway, Tahnee Welch, and Dana Plato, posed for Playboy for a nonexistent career boost and nothing else.

I have grown up since the 1970's, Miss Fawcett, maybe you should do the same thing. (*) out of five stars.