Sunday, September 16, 2012

Star Bores: "Cyber Ninja" (1988)

At eighty minutes, this film can be summed up in a few sentences.

The good guys must rescue their kidnapped princess from the bad guys. One of the good guys recognizes his dead brother as the title character, now working for the bad guys. Happy ending.

This film is a cross, or the unholy spawn, of "Masters of the Universe" and "Star Wars," with a little "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers" thrown in. The film was shot in Japanese, and is dubbed so badly, I thought the film makers were making a joke. The cast wears more makeup than Tammy Faye Bakker, and they act just as sincere about their script, which consists of odd place names like "The Fortress of the Dark Overlord."

The film is nothing but very long, very boring fight scenes, crescendoeing in some of the cheesiest special effects since the last Japanese Godzilla movie. The video cover art even quotes some critic saying the effects here are reminiscent of "Star Wars." That is like saying the warlord with the mustache is reminiscent of Orson Welles in "Citizen Kane."

Don't bother with this one, you will be a better person for it. (*) out of five stars.