Sunday, September 30, 2012

Put an 'S' in Front of the Title, and You'll Be Close: "Hittin' It!" (2004)

When I review a film, I usually take notes. I jot down characters' names, a major plot point, or even a reaction to a scene. These notes can run up to a page or more in my notebook. "Hittin' It!" took just four lines.

Chicago college roommates Morris (Walker Howard) and Malik (Maurice Patton) head to Miami for spring break. The duo stay at Malik's Uncle Fredo's crib (I am whack with lingo, a'ight!) while Fredo (Luther Campbell, in case you wondered whatever happened to him) is out of town. Malik's out of control cousin Eddie (A.J. Johnson) invites himself in and promptly destroys the house with an out of control party. The trio must then come up with fifteen large to pay Fredo's gay interior designer to clean up the house before Fredo returns.

Sure, every sitcom recorded in the last fifty years has done the old "clean up the house before the parents get home" storyline, but I bet you did not think it could be stretched out to eighty-one excruciating minutes! The young cast is likable enough, and probably could have been funny if they hadn't been handed a script that has fewer laughs than "Schindler's List."

When not assaulting the viewer with non-stop bland rap and hip hop music, the film makers felt the need to offend by making terrible jokes about everyone from homosexuals to Latinos to Chinese food restaurants. It is also hard to imagine that there is more profanity here than a season of "The Sopranos," and a bunch of rejects from "Girls Gone Wild" does not make up for the sheer badness of the film.

In all actuality, the film is barely over an hour, but the "Where are they now?" segment features supporting players you forgot were in the film, and the song credits at the end of the film is longer than the federal tax code.

"Hittin' It!" is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. The only reason I watched it was because the video store had the DVD in the wrong case. I cannot wait to get it the hell out of my house and back to the store. (*) out of five stars.