Saturday, September 10, 2011

Experience Not Required: "The Bikini Bandits Experience" (2002)



Director Steven Grasse shoots this headache inducing ode to 1970's B-movie drive-in trash. He should have watched some 1970's B-movie drive-in trash first.

Based on the internet series (reason enough to take pause), there is not a linear plotline, but the film kind of goes like this: four bikini clad criminals are sent to hell. There, the devil sends them back to defile the Virgin Mary. Next, they hide out in Amish country, and then time travel back to 1776. They finally hide out on a porn shoot, looking for an Amish retarded boy, and are saved by Corey Feldman and a bunch of ninjas.

This is a merciful fifty-four minutes long. It should have been an insane take on the old grindhouse fare of the 1970's, but the film makers commit a horrible mistake. A cult film develops a cult following through word of mouth and an intrinsic quality found in the film itself. If you are setting out to specifically make a cult film, then you will try too hard and fail. That is exactly what happens here.

The film makers try everything: there are fake home shopping ads for G-Mart tossed in with bad edits, musical interludes, a hairy yoga guy, and lots of annoying animation and graphics. We are treated to real phone conversations between the producers and some obnoxious guy named Zembo who keeps getting beat up on camera when he bothers some people. Finally, Corey Feldman proves he is the most irritating film personality ever (just do the hardcore porn already). The only nudity on display here are guys' butts. The fearsome foursome go through this without taking off anything but their pride.

"The Bikini Bandit Experience" is not trashy on a fun level. It is just trash. I had the same reaction to this as I did to "The Underground Comedy Movie," another "eagerly awaited" flick based on some fanboys' alone time activities- big damn deal. Avoid this at once. (*) out of five stars. Get this movie!: Bikini Bandits Experience