Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Grin and Bare It: "The Bare Wench Project" (2000)

What can you say about a film that makes "The Erotic Witch Project" look like "The English Patient"? Again, the plot and characters are secondary, but the plot is almost an exact copy of "TEWP."

Four buxom sorority sisters and a goofy male guide enter a forest to look for the bare wench, and the women become sexually charged. The bare wench leaves porno devices and a blow up doll, just like in "TEWP." They get lost, the doofus gets lost, and the girls find their way back to their hotel. There they reenact the end of "The Blair Witch Project," as cameras are dropped and the guide is seen playing hopscotch, a game integral to the thin plot.

At least three of the sorority sisters here have unnaturally large breasts full of dimples and stretch marks, along with the rather obvious surgery scars. The one "natural" gal here is humiliated by the director. In a very unfunny, and overlong, end credit segment, outtake scenes where she could not get a line right is played over and over again ad nauseum.

Julie Strain shows up in a fright wig to play the bare wench. This one scene seems to be added later, since no one could possibly be credited in the cast with shooting it. In the background, as the women cavort and stroke, you can see someone's picket fence. This may be director Jim Wynorski's backyard.

This is just bad stuff. The lesbian love scenes are kelvin degrees cooler than "The Erotic Witch Project"'s. Most of the lovin' consists of the four women mashing their eight collective breasts together. I think they are trying to form a silicone based lifeform that would rescue them from this bad career decision. No such luck.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then the makers of "The Blair Witch Project" should be really really mad. (*) out of five stars.