Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hinder Sight is '2020': "Battle Queen 2020" (2001)

Julie Strain shows everyone her boobs...again. Julie Strain shows everyone her boobs in a terrible film...again. She teams with Roger Corman for a terrible science fiction epic shot with a budget equal to the amount of change under your couch cushions.

A giant asteroid has hit the Earth and wiped out most of the population. Some do survive. The Elites are a group of cigar chomping high rollers who have plenty of mistresses and little care for the normal folk (yes, just like the U.S. Congress). The rest of the people live underground, where they hold out that the rebel army, and you just knew there would be a rebel army, will deliver them from the Elites.

Strain is Gayle, the head mistress of the Elites. She is busy sleeping with the Elite leader, Spencer. Crazy Dr. Braxton (Bill Baker) has underground dwellers kidnapped and takes their brain glands, keeping the Elites immortal. Military style leader Manson (Brian Frank) is tired of Spencer's softening with the underground people, and plots a coup. In the meantime, Gayle meets a cute little girl, and you just knew there would be a cute little girl, and young Clare (Jade Kroll) shows Gayle that there is more to live for than just constant wealth and sex...I guess.

I was not sure how to credit the actor who played Spencer. The end titles list him as Jeff Wincott, but the DVD extra biography about actor Jeff Wincott shows a picture of the rebel leader Joad, played (according to the end credits) by Paul Rapovski. I guess when a film sucks like this, I would not really want my correct name on it, either. As with any Julie Strain film, I marvelled at her immense screen presence, and how her physical stature dwarfs all the other silliness going on. Most of the film is shot on a cheesy soundstage that looks like it was rented in between porn shoots.

The special effects are awful. Cheap computer animation is everywhere. The script can be blamed on four writers and an "additional writing" credit. Plotlines are introduced and dropped- Gayle's brother, little sick Billy, new mistress Michelle- all especially noticeable in an eighty minute film. D'or's direction is standard, you cannot show the world your true cinematic vision with a two room set, a five dollar budget, and half a dozen clueless extras. Listen for the voiceover, as a grown up Clare laments her days spent in the brothel. Or Gayle's hypothermia treatment, where warm water is cascaded over her augmented chest. Or the goofy actionless escape sequence, where the narrator must tell you what happens, instead of the audience actually seeing a fight. Or the laughable finale, with some of the worst computer animation ever rendered.

Oh, you could enjoy "Battle Queen 2020" on a "bad movie" level. But do you really want to be responsible for encouraging this type of behavior, resulting in possible sequels? Think responsible, man (or woman), and leave it to me to bear the burden of watching and reviewing this! It's the least I could do! (*) out of five stars.