Thursday, May 19, 2011

Forget 'Asylum of Terror,' THIS is the Worst Movie Ever Made: "Ax 'Em" (1992)



Michael Mfume, the son of Kweisi Mfume, shows that bad film making knows no racial barriers.

A group of about ten college students go to an isolated cabin in the woods for a weekend, and are terrorized by a retarded man whose family was shotgunned to death thirteen years before. He is now going to "revenge" (as the opening credits crawl puts it) his family's deaths.

Give me a minute, I am trying to both hold down my supper and find a place to begin here...this is that bad. Mfume shot the entire film (barely an hour) on video. The video copy I rented was letterboxed- on all four sides! Suddenly I was watching a nineteen inch picture on my thirty-two inch screen! Except for writer/director/star Michael, I did not catch any of the other characters' names. This is understandable since the sound is possibly the worst recording job in motion picture history. At least seventy-five percent of the dialogue is muffled and incomprehensible. Of course, lines that do survive are of the "I've fallen and I can't get up" variety. Twice, I heard a voice off-camera cue the actors. During one cut, a video timer is evident at the bottom of the screen.

The old retarded killer in the woods story has been done so often it is now fodder for parody. Mfume tries to squeeze some laughs here by having the cast stop everything to tell some "your mama's so fat..." jokes. The cast is in on the inside joke and tries to have fun, mugging at the camera and ad libbing. The point is the film makes no attempt to scare or even make sense. Mfume had ten friends and a video camera, and shot this thing.

"Ax' Em" is the worst film watching experience I have ever had. There is so much crap out there dressed up with an above average video box cover, and this is just another dose. I am now officially a victim of the technological revolution. Remember when making a film involved some sort of talent and a spot of money, not some yahoo with a video camera and a couple of hours to kill?

"Ax' Em" deserves every bad review I have read about it, and I pray Michael Mfume will not venture into the world of the horror film ever ever again. (*) out of five stars. Get this movie now!: Ax 'Em