Friday, April 29, 2011

I Just Want Y'all to Know This Film Made Me Ashamed to Be From Texas: "Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" (1991)

This made-for-TV swill features a capable cast in a poorly directed police drama that makes "Walker- Texas Ranger" look like "Hill Street Blues."

Kris Kristofferson is Rip, a down on his luck Texas Ranger entertaining house guest and fellow Ranger Jack (Rip Torn). Well, Jack up and shoots a murderer who was released on a technicality and everyone, including uberhot FBI agent Susan (Joan Severance), starts looking for good ol' Jack.

No sooner than you can say "armadillo," Willie Nelson pops up as a wily old criminal who teams up with Rip, and the duo track Jack while Rip and Susan begin exploring each other's "credentials." There are a few weak shootouts, and lots of climactic twists and turns that make no sense.

I am a transplanted fifth generation Texan currently in North Dakota, but proud of my birth state. I lived there for years, and have family both residing in, and buried in, God's Country. Literally, every twenty seconds, the main characters in the film talk about the magic of Texas. The specialness of Texas. How being from Texas makes one blessed. After hearing this bunch of yahoos try to substitute praise of their shooting location for actual characterization, I had a Longhorn-sized headache.

The late Bill Bixby's direction is listless. Nelson has been good in films before, but here he annoys. The video box proudly displays its "Extremely Mature" rating from some film board somewhere, but the "strong sexual content" consists of some dark shots of Severance's boobs, in case you missed them in all her other direct to video roles.

"Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" is a sequel to another television movie I have never seen. I have little reason to seek it out now. (*) out of five stars.